I apologize for not updating this sooner!

1 Peter 5:6-7

"Humble yourselves, therefore,

under God's mighty hand,

that He may lift you up in due time.

Cast all your anxiety on Him

because He cares for you."

I feel bad that I left the story of what happened concerning my mastectomy up in the air for so long. The picture does get better (I think). On Tuesday morning I had my appointment with Dr. Johnson. Right away I asked her what was so worrisome. She explained that she had expected more cancer cells to have been killed off than was the case. She had removed 42 lymph nodes from around my right arm, and of those 42, 25 were still alive. She then explained that this was because I was more estrogen positive than they had thought. Well she said something like that. I'm not good at getting medical facts just right. But she also said that this was not such a bad thing, because there is a very good medicine that they can give me to suppress the estrogen. They only hitch is that I have to take the medicine for seven years. Now I'm not to happy having to take an antibiotic for 10 days, so what will seven years feel like! I asked her what were the side affects, and she said hot flashes. Great! I make it all the way through menopause without hot flashes, and now I get to contend with them for seven years. But then, I never had morning sickness while pregnant, and I didn't get nauseated on chemo, so maybe I'll be okay. Actually, I will be so grateful to be able to take that pill for seven years. I think Dr. Johnson talked with me for about a half hour, which is a long time for such a busy doctor - and the waiting room was absolutely jammed. She made a big point to tell me that I need to not worry, explaining that she herself has to work on that, and she quoted a Bible verse that she likes to keep in mind.

Luke 12:24-26

"Consider the ravens:

They do not sow or reap,

they have no storeroom or barn;

yet God feeds them.

And how much more valuable

you are than birds!

Who of you by worrying

can add a single hour to his life?

Since you cannot do this very little thing,

why do you worry about the rest?"

She was very emphatic that I must not spend any time worrying. And concerning my anemia, she said I need to concentrate on eating right and getting exercise. I've got the eating right down pretty well, but I'm quite lacking on the exercising.

I forgot to mention that while she was talking with me a young woman was watching on. She is a naturalpath. After she and the doctor left, the young woman return, saying that she noticed that I was dehydrated. This was true. We talked with her for a while. She said that she had worked for many years with her husband, who is an oncologist. This implied that she had expericence with cancer patients. She gave us her name and number, and we thought might go see her the next week.

the nutritionist

That evening we were sitting around thinking about things when it occurred to me that Dr. Brouse, the nutritionist, was more stress than I could handlte, and I just didn't need it. So Riley called his office and left a message that we were cancelling the appointment. That felt like just the right thing to do. He's probably a very good doctor, the problem was that his extreme approach to my health matters was just too much for me. After that we settled into a good baseball game and then went to bed, much relieved.

the oncologist

So on Thursday I had a morning appointment with Dr. Look, my oncologist. He's a very mild mannered person of Asian descent. Dr. Johnson had picked him for me because of his mild manner. I asked him a lot of the same questions that I asked Dr. Johnson. But in the conversation a funny thing happened. I said that I was a lot more anemic after the operation. And he said, "What operation?" Now on the one hand I was gald that he hadn't noticed that my chest is flat on one side. But was he paying attention to things. He quickly realized his mistake, and gave his little quiet chuckle. He then went to get all the current tests on my, including the pathology report. He agreed that I was definitely quite anemic, but he said "You'll be just fine." He explained that the chemo and the operation were strong factors in my anemia, but if I paid attention to eating well I would soon recover. That was so much better that the nutritionist wanting to send me to Mexico for treat of my anemia. Dr. Look seemed pretty confident that I would get over the anemia fairly soon, and that I was not in grave danger. You never know all together what the doctors are thinking, but I did have a confidence that I could handle the anemia.

the drainage tube

The next day my drainage tube was being bothersome. It was leaking all over me instead of going into the bulb at the end of the tube. So we went into Dr. Johnson's office to have Andria look at it. She noticed that there was some "tissue" stick in the tube. She got it unstuck, and rebandaged me and said that the tube should come out by Monday or Tuesday. That was a great idea - having the tube out. Having a tube coming out of you with a bulb hanging on the end of it that you have to hang from the belt loop on you pants or pin to the outside of your nightgown is rather unpleasant. The nurse did say that it wouldn't accidently come out, as it was stitched to my body. That seemed like good news - bad news.

Well by Monday it seemed like a good idea to get the tube out. So we called the doctors office to make sure they knew I was coming, and headed out. The process didn't take long, but it was a bit creepy. It was a bit like having a worm pulled from your body. The stitch seemed to be right on my skin. Andria just snipped it, and then pulled slowly on the tube until it was completely out. This was followed by a piece of gauze being taped to my side to soaked up whatever that was that was coming out of my body. Then I was told that I could take a shower the next day. YAY!!

So the next day I needed to convince Riley to remove that gauze that was over the whole in the side of my chest. I don't know what he imagined the whole to be, but when I finally got him to remove the gauze he was greatly relieved to find only a very small mark, which he put a little waterproof bandage on. So at this point the only bandages from the surgery that were left were little strips looking like small gift wrapping take running all along my incision. They didn't run along it so to say, but are little bits placed at fairly even intervals. They are mostly still there, as I don't like the idea of removing tape placed on me by a doctor.

Then, late the next day, I finally took a shower. What a delight that was! And you know, I can take a shower any time I want, because I don't have to worry about getting my hair wet and having to dry it. I still don't have any hair to speak of, just little bits you can feel.

recovery time

Who knows what day this is - things getting worse

2 Corinthians 2:3-4

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

"

Well I spent the summer being a little spacey, but enjoying my self most of the time. We had lots of birthday parties, and outings, and I watched lots and lots of Mariner's baseball. But I found that by the time I got around to posting something I couldn't remember exactly what happened. I should use my father's phrase "No excuse, sir!"

I hope I will get a chance to fill in some of the blanks on what happened. There are many pictures taken, that all have dates and times, and I can use those to help fill in the details. I've had my last chemo on the seventeenth of September, so you'd think I'd be coming around as far as not having such a chemo brain. My operation was on October 6th, and everything seemed to go well. For the most part I had no pain. My biggest pain was having a shared room, but I won't go there. I got out of the hospital after being there for 26 hours. It would have been sooner, but there were very busy.

All my children and grand-children and sons-in-law came to visit me in the hospital, and that was wonderful, even if I couldn't stay awake longer that to smile and say hi. It was soooo appreciated. I hope I had a hat on. I did sleep for the better part of 16 hours, despite what the hospital staff tried to do. They kept checking my blood pressure.

At home our first big trouble was my drain leaking all over the place. But my dear sweat husband did a bang up job of getting new gauze applied to the area and stopping the leaking. That was Wednesday evening.

Thursday started out okay, but Riley was starting to really feel the stress and he kind of retreated to the living room to be on his own. By this time I had already taking a look a the state of my body, seeing how flat I am on the right side, and knowing that I still have no hair, and I was beginning to feel ignored and rightly so, as I looked so funny. So Riley and I had a "talk" about all this, and I was feeling so low, even though I know he loves me very much.

Worrisome

Well just a this time the doctor called with about the pathology report. She said that is was worrisome. Well if I had been feeling low before she called, I was feeling devastated after her call. I was in "stunned" mode. What had she been trying to tell me? How serious is the situation? Why did she call ahead of time, when we had a meeting scheduled for next Tuesday?

We were supposed to have Ken and Marilyn come visit, but I told Riley to tell them I just couldn't see anyone. I probably didn't eat much for dinner, and then I went to bed. At least that's what it looked like when Riley got me all settled in on the couch in the back room. But I soon felt wide awake and I talked with God until about 1 AM. I had lots to say, and lots of questions. Did I get any answers? I don't think so. At least none that I can remember. I finished by writing in my journal, and I believe I fell asleep while holding my fountain pen.

Early the next morning Riley came down to see about emptying my drainage bulb and by then I realized what had happened. I thought he would find the pen on the floor - I was a brand new small fountain pen the he had bought for me because my numb fingers have trouble holding on to things. Well it was still very near my hand, and amazingly very little ink got on my quilt, most of the stray ink was on both of my hands.

So here we were at Friday, and I was to get the strikers out. The strikers were two tiny tubes leading into my body that were attached to a pumping mechanism that administered a numbing agent inside my body in the wound area. Having three tubes coming out of your body is quite a nuisance. I was always in fear of pulling one of the out. I'd start to so somewhere and forget to take the mechanism with me and get a little yank. Just going to the bathroom with all these tubes was a pain, not to mention trying to get dressed. The hospital had given Riley instructions on how to remove the strikers when the pump said it was empty, but he'd had enough with bandaging up my drain, so we went into the doctors office. It was all quick and easy, and she very cleanly re-bandaged the drain area. Despite the gloom of the doctors phrase "worrisome", I was feeling better. It was good to be not so fettered.

While we were at the doctors office, while Riley sat in the waiting room, Jill called about Dr. Brouse, the nutritionist that we had finally decided I should go see. She suggested that we get a copy of the pathology report to fax to Dr. Brouse. How convenient. They promptly gave Riley a copy. I was to have a phone visit with Dr. Brouse on Monday morning. A little later in the day Riley went to a copy store and faxed the report.

Friday evening we went to the County Cork Pub with Ken and Marilyn, where the staff were glad to see me, and pleased to see how well I seemed to be doing. How odd to feel fine enough, to not look too bad, and yet to know that something terribly wrong is happening inside my body. I was continually pondering the word "worrisome". We played scrabble and Riley won. Then Riley and I went home and I got into my might gown, laid on the couch in the back, and watched Jeopardy and I don't know what else.

I don't remember Saturday or Sunday very well. I know that I didn't have enough energy to get to church in the morning. After church Heidi stopped by with Emily. Heidi was in a rage at Christian, who was being a terrible teenager, one who felt he could now make his own decisions in life, and didn't have to do what he was told. Now that's enough to make a mother upset. I need to be praying for that kid - not that I'm not already praying for him and his mother.

Not a Rosie Picture

Monday morning and it's time for the call with Dr. Brouse. It didn't take a minute before my heart sake to the basement. I thought if I was the type I could pass out right then and there. He began by saying that it wasn't a rosie picture. So now I am faced with "worrisome" and "not a rosie picture" and I feel as good as dead. He went on to suggest that I go right away to a clinic in Tijuana Mexico. Now if that doesn't sound like I last ditch effort, I don't know what does. But he seemed like a very knowledgeable doctor, and I did agree to come in for some serious blood tests on Wednesday. I'm not at all convinced about going to Mexico.

After the phone coference Annie and Riley and Corey and I went to Pioneer Place, where I had lunch from an Asian restaurant, and then I bought two pairs of pants from Talbots and three t-shirts and four or five blouses (they were on sale) from Eddie Bauer. These are all items of clothing that I already had some of and know that they wear well in my condition. I need to wear the t-shirt under the blouse because of the lack of a bra. All in all I like my new clothes. Now if I can live long enough to enjoy them. I'm trusting God to let me live long enough to see all my grand-children happily married.

Isaiah 12:2

"Behold, God is my salvation,

I will trust and not be afraid;

For the LORD GOD is my strength and song,

And He has become my salvation."