Who knows what day this is - things getting worse

2 Corinthians 2:3-4

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

"

Well I spent the summer being a little spacey, but enjoying my self most of the time. We had lots of birthday parties, and outings, and I watched lots and lots of Mariner's baseball. But I found that by the time I got around to posting something I couldn't remember exactly what happened. I should use my father's phrase "No excuse, sir!"

I hope I will get a chance to fill in some of the blanks on what happened. There are many pictures taken, that all have dates and times, and I can use those to help fill in the details. I've had my last chemo on the seventeenth of September, so you'd think I'd be coming around as far as not having such a chemo brain. My operation was on October 6th, and everything seemed to go well. For the most part I had no pain. My biggest pain was having a shared room, but I won't go there. I got out of the hospital after being there for 26 hours. It would have been sooner, but there were very busy.

All my children and grand-children and sons-in-law came to visit me in the hospital, and that was wonderful, even if I couldn't stay awake longer that to smile and say hi. It was soooo appreciated. I hope I had a hat on. I did sleep for the better part of 16 hours, despite what the hospital staff tried to do. They kept checking my blood pressure.

At home our first big trouble was my drain leaking all over the place. But my dear sweat husband did a bang up job of getting new gauze applied to the area and stopping the leaking. That was Wednesday evening.

Thursday started out okay, but Riley was starting to really feel the stress and he kind of retreated to the living room to be on his own. By this time I had already taking a look a the state of my body, seeing how flat I am on the right side, and knowing that I still have no hair, and I was beginning to feel ignored and rightly so, as I looked so funny. So Riley and I had a "talk" about all this, and I was feeling so low, even though I know he loves me very much.

Worrisome

Well just a this time the doctor called with about the pathology report. She said that is was worrisome. Well if I had been feeling low before she called, I was feeling devastated after her call. I was in "stunned" mode. What had she been trying to tell me? How serious is the situation? Why did she call ahead of time, when we had a meeting scheduled for next Tuesday?

We were supposed to have Ken and Marilyn come visit, but I told Riley to tell them I just couldn't see anyone. I probably didn't eat much for dinner, and then I went to bed. At least that's what it looked like when Riley got me all settled in on the couch in the back room. But I soon felt wide awake and I talked with God until about 1 AM. I had lots to say, and lots of questions. Did I get any answers? I don't think so. At least none that I can remember. I finished by writing in my journal, and I believe I fell asleep while holding my fountain pen.

Early the next morning Riley came down to see about emptying my drainage bulb and by then I realized what had happened. I thought he would find the pen on the floor - I was a brand new small fountain pen the he had bought for me because my numb fingers have trouble holding on to things. Well it was still very near my hand, and amazingly very little ink got on my quilt, most of the stray ink was on both of my hands.

So here we were at Friday, and I was to get the strikers out. The strikers were two tiny tubes leading into my body that were attached to a pumping mechanism that administered a numbing agent inside my body in the wound area. Having three tubes coming out of your body is quite a nuisance. I was always in fear of pulling one of the out. I'd start to so somewhere and forget to take the mechanism with me and get a little yank. Just going to the bathroom with all these tubes was a pain, not to mention trying to get dressed. The hospital had given Riley instructions on how to remove the strikers when the pump said it was empty, but he'd had enough with bandaging up my drain, so we went into the doctors office. It was all quick and easy, and she very cleanly re-bandaged the drain area. Despite the gloom of the doctors phrase "worrisome", I was feeling better. It was good to be not so fettered.

While we were at the doctors office, while Riley sat in the waiting room, Jill called about Dr. Brouse, the nutritionist that we had finally decided I should go see. She suggested that we get a copy of the pathology report to fax to Dr. Brouse. How convenient. They promptly gave Riley a copy. I was to have a phone visit with Dr. Brouse on Monday morning. A little later in the day Riley went to a copy store and faxed the report.

Friday evening we went to the County Cork Pub with Ken and Marilyn, where the staff were glad to see me, and pleased to see how well I seemed to be doing. How odd to feel fine enough, to not look too bad, and yet to know that something terribly wrong is happening inside my body. I was continually pondering the word "worrisome". We played scrabble and Riley won. Then Riley and I went home and I got into my might gown, laid on the couch in the back, and watched Jeopardy and I don't know what else.

I don't remember Saturday or Sunday very well. I know that I didn't have enough energy to get to church in the morning. After church Heidi stopped by with Emily. Heidi was in a rage at Christian, who was being a terrible teenager, one who felt he could now make his own decisions in life, and didn't have to do what he was told. Now that's enough to make a mother upset. I need to be praying for that kid - not that I'm not already praying for him and his mother.

Not a Rosie Picture

Monday morning and it's time for the call with Dr. Brouse. It didn't take a minute before my heart sake to the basement. I thought if I was the type I could pass out right then and there. He began by saying that it wasn't a rosie picture. So now I am faced with "worrisome" and "not a rosie picture" and I feel as good as dead. He went on to suggest that I go right away to a clinic in Tijuana Mexico. Now if that doesn't sound like I last ditch effort, I don't know what does. But he seemed like a very knowledgeable doctor, and I did agree to come in for some serious blood tests on Wednesday. I'm not at all convinced about going to Mexico.

After the phone coference Annie and Riley and Corey and I went to Pioneer Place, where I had lunch from an Asian restaurant, and then I bought two pairs of pants from Talbots and three t-shirts and four or five blouses (they were on sale) from Eddie Bauer. These are all items of clothing that I already had some of and know that they wear well in my condition. I need to wear the t-shirt under the blouse because of the lack of a bra. All in all I like my new clothes. Now if I can live long enough to enjoy them. I'm trusting God to let me live long enough to see all my grand-children happily married.

Isaiah 12:2

"Behold, God is my salvation,

I will trust and not be afraid;

For the LORD GOD is my strength and song,

And He has become my salvation."