Day Eight - When I grow up I wanna be an old lady!

1 Peter 5:5b-11

"God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.

Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

  And the God of all grace, Who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To Him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.

Well I'm doing okay, not great, not on the verge of panic.  Riley started the day by giving me a nice back rub to help calm me down.  Then he proposed that we have a cup of tea and go for a walk.  And that's just what we did.  He made me a lovely cup of tea in my favorite cup, and then we walked a mile - which is to where the pig used to live and back.  The pig - moo shu - doesn't seemed to be there, but there was a lovely hen.

Then I got breakfast and sat on the couch in the back in the sun to eat it.  I eat slowly, but I know that I must eat my food, as I don't want to die of malnutrition.  Sarah wants me to come get her at the car repair place and then she'll spend the day with me.

I was slow in eating breakfast, so Sarah was ready earlier than I was to be picked up, so she began walking down Glisan.  I got there when she was just at a gas station, so I pulled in there to get Sarah and Caleb into the car.  When we arrived home, Sarah realized she didn't have her phone.  She called her phone in my house and there was no ring.  When I got to the car I called her phone to see if it was in the car, but there was no ring.  We both could envision her phone being run over in the gas station parking lot, but I pointed out that the phone went to the answering machine, so maybe it was still working.  We were half way there when my phone rang.  Sarah looked and saw that it was her phone calling.  It was the gas station attendant.  He had found her phone, and called the last number to call the phone.  That was such a relief.

We collected the phone, and headed back to get Annie and Emily so we could all go to the play group at church.  Emily was delighted to see me.  She seemed like life was going fine for her.  In other words, Annie was doing a very good job of watching her.  Emily wanted to tell me that she'd been watching a Chinese movie - Mulan.  Emily does love her movies.  Play group was pleasant, and I chatted with Alyson, telling her my troubles a bit, and she talked  with me about vegetarian cooking.

We left a little early, as Caleb was getting tired.  When we got to Emily's house she asked me if I was coming in for a visit.  That was so grown up of her.  I explained that I wouldn't this time, as I needed a nap.  And that's what I did, I napped, as did Caleb.  Then when I got up Sarah said she would make lunch, and I went to sit in the garden.  It was a lovely lunch, and we all had a very pleasant time.  After lunch we went for a walk to Pete's Coffee, where Sarah had an iced coffee and I had water.  When in doubt just have water.  Then we headed back home.  I don't know what happened after that, but Riley did come home.  He called the doctor's office to see when my appointment was tomorrow, because they never called back like they said they would. It's at 8:00 in the morning in Beaverton, and it's with the PA, not the doctor.  I've never actually seen the doctor.  We soon took Sarah back to her car, and then we did a couple errands, stopping a New Season's on our way home for some organic food.

I've found that by early evening I start to go into a panic, and this evening was no exception.  We watched one recording of Jeopardy, but I couldn't handle watching other one.  My mind starts to imagine all the terrible things the medical establishment is going to do to me.  Apparently my brother David -who's wife is just recovering from breast cancer - called Riley and told him that the next year will be really hard.  Heidi called from New York and told me that cancer patients who are prayed for have a higher rate of recovery.  That was encouraging, but that doesn't mean that I'll be one of them.  I've got a very nagging sour throat, and I panicked that it's something cancerous.

We watched the baseball game, and as usual I slept through it.  Then I got up to go up stairs to bed and I was over come with a terrible panic.  Basically I am terrified of what the doctor is going to tell me tomorrow.  Riley got his computer and spent a couple minutes trying to read about cancer, and he began to look terrified also.  I was in bed imagining that I could sleep, but I couldn't.  So here I am writing.

Friends have been e-mailing me, telling me of their experiences.  Without a doubt this is going to be the worst experience of my life.  Why Lord?  

Psalm 22:14-15

I am poured out like water,

And all my bones are out of joint;

 My heart is like wax;

 It is melted within me. 

 My strength is dried up like a potsherd,

 And my tongue cleaves to my jaws;

 And You lay me in the dust of death. 

Psalm 57:1 

Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me, 

for in You my soul takes refuge. 

I will take refuge in the shadow of Your wings 

until the disaster has passed.