Day Seven - D day - I get the diagnosis

"The LORD is the one who goes ahead of you; 

He will be with you 

He will not fail you or forsake you. 

Do not fear or be dismayed." 

Deuteronomy 31:8

So I have no idea when the doctor will call. It won't be her, it will be someone in her office. I've never actually met Dr. Johnson. I told them not to just leave the message on my message machine. That seems so cold hearted, so impersonal, as if you aren't a person with a terrible problem. Of course that means that if I go out today before they call me I could miss the call. But then, I would see on my phone that they called, and I could call them, This works. I wonder how often a biopsy is negative, in other words the person doesn't have cancer. Somehow I don't think that will happen to me.

I'm not sure what to do with myself today. I think I need to keep busy so that I'm sufficiently distracted. Riley has been lovely. He brought me a cup of tea, and then later her brought me up breakfast. He did the same yesterday. I have a bowl of muesli and strawberries, acai juice, a hard boiled egg, and my vitamins. I realize now how terrible my diet had become. I won't even go into it.

10:00 - Well the verdicts in - I HAVE BREAST CANCER

It's even harder to take when you know for sure. Before there was always that tiny bit of hope that maybe it was something else. But now that hope is gone. Now it's just wondering what horrible things will they do to me. Will I survive? Will I recover, and will it come back? Do I need a second doctor's opinion on what to do?

Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. 

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, 

the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 

who comforts us in all our affliction 

so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction 

with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, 

so also our comfort is abundant through Christ. 

2Corinthians 1:2-5

I spent the day reading about foods good for breast cancer, and about the treatments for cancer, and by late afternoon I was in a terrible state of panic.  I know that I must find out about all the options before the doctor gives me her options, but it is soooooooo hard to take.  

I finally just went upstairs and got into bed at about six.  Riley came home from work a bit late, but he was ever so comforting.  I needed all the comfort I could get.  Our house group was meant to meet this evening, but Riley rightly realized that I couldn't handle it, and he called them to say we wouldn't meet.  He said they were all very understanding and said they were praying.  

He encouraged me to get up and walk to the store with him to get some fish for dinner.  It's a good thing that I know that being in as good a health as possible is very important for me, or I just wouldn't eat, and then I'd be part of that statistic of 40% of cancer deaths that's actually from malnutrition.  I can sure see how it happens.  We had a very pleasant walk over to Whole Foods, and on the way I showed Riley the really cute caravan that was for sale.  He agreed with me that it was adorable.  Funny thing, on the was back, some friends who we had met at the store were taking pictures of the caravan when we got there on the way back.  They agreed that it was really adorable.  It's selling for $1,500.  Riley jokingly suggested that we do in on it together.

It was 8 when we got back, and I didn't have dinner ready until 8:45.  It was fine enough, but I couldn't eat it all, I just ran out of energy.  We bought a little piece of halibut, and I cooked in the microwave a sweet potato.  The potato was delicious.  Then we watch the baseball game, and I fell asleep for the most part, and they won.  Then I got up and went straight to bed, not even turning the light on.

For we do not want you to be unaware, brethren, of our affliction 

which came to us in Asia, 

that we were burdened excessively, beyond our strength, 

so that we despaired even of life;

indeed, we had the sentence of death within ourselves 

so that we would not trust in ourselves, 

but in God who raises the dead;

who delivered us from so great a peril of death, 

and will deliver us, 

He on whom we have set our hope. 

And He will yet deliver us, 

you also joining in helping us through your prayers, 

so that thanks may be given by many persons on our behalf 

for the favor bestowed on us through the prayers of many. 

2Corinthians 1:8-11