Day Forty - my kitchen is clean, but anxiety high

Psalm 94:18-19


If I should say, "My foot has slipped,"


Your loving-kindness, O LORD, will hold me up. 


When my anxious thoughts multiply within me,


Your consolations delight my soul. 

Jill - Caleb - Addison - Bill - Tristan - Corey

My Dear brother bill sent a housekeeper over to my house today. She was a very nice Hispanic young lady named Claudia. She looked around a bit, and I could tell that she could see what a big house I have, so I finally suggested that she clean the kitchen. She seemed pleased with this suggestion, and pretty soon set to the task. I found some soft Scott sponges for her to use, and she had her own cleaning clothes and solutions from my sister-in-law Jill (Bill's wife).


I just took it easy, especially given the fact that I had had so little sleep the night before. Claudia came at 9:45 and stayed until 2:45. She was only supposed to stay three hours, but she could tell that the kitchen could not get deep cleaned in that amount of time, so she stayed for 5 hours, and then she told me that the 2 extra hours was a present to me. That was so sweet of her.

When I ate lunch I sat in the kitchen and chatted with her. She was a very pleasant person to talk with. I told her about the time the youth group from Mexico stayed at our house and that when I started to make bulotchki for the breakfast the next day and Grandma Mary (who was like a chaperone for the girls) went upstairs and got the girls out of bed to come down and help me. Claudia told me that for Mexicans it would be very rude to not be helping to cook in a house that you are visiting. How nice of them. I hope that they were pleasantly repaid by learning how to make bulotchki.

After she left I tried to take a nap, but to no avail. I thought that I heard someone knocking on the front door, so I got up and went down to see. Well as I looked at the door, I could see no one. Then I walked up to the door and looked out of both the side windows, and I saw no one. Then I turned the nob to lock the door, and suddenly there was a big banging knock on the front door. I was terrified. I had seen no one, so what very short person was standing right next to my door. The knock was so loud. I immediately went to the passage way and shut the door behind me. After just a bit I called Riley, as my cell phone was in my pocket. He was concerned, but what could he do. He wished that we had the number of the family next door. Then I went to the third floor to play some computer games to distract myself. But this didn't really help, and I began to be anxious about many things, like what was going to happen to me before all of this cancer business is done. What was it going to be like having no hair. How tired was I going to get. I began thinking about how I'll never be the total real me again. yada yada yada. So I went back down stairs and went up to the front door. I could see that something had been placed in the mail box. So I got a chair, put it right by the front door, and stood on it and looked down. No one was there. So I unlocked the door and went out and got the thing in the mail box. I was an invitation to the neighborhood Fourth of July block party. At that I thought that probably the person at the door was a small child. But how could he have knocked to loudly. Well when Riley got home he had an explanation. He pointed out that an adult would usually knock on the thick part of the door, which doesn't make such a big noise. But a child would knock on the thinner part of the door, which acts like a drum, and makes a bigger noise. He then demonstrated by knocking on that part of the door.

But if I hadn't been anxious enough from lack of sleep and lack of my anxiety pill, the door incident really set me off. Riley was such a dear, and did a great job of trying to calm me down. We watched a new Poirot on Mystery after dinner, then we headed up to bed. I didn't take and Ativan, and I felt very tired. But I got into bed and couldn't really relax. So after a while Riley said that he thought I could use to eat a baked custard. Did I mention what good custard he makes. I asked him to heat it up. I then got on the computer to play a few games. That usually tires me out a bit. He came back with the custard and a half of an Ativan, which I took. When I got back into bed I went right to sleep, and slept about 7 hours straight through.

Psalm 31:2-3

Incline Your ear to me, rescue me quickly;

Be to me a rock of strength,

A stronghold to save me. 

For You are my rock and my fortress;

For Your name's sake You will lead me and guide me

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